Growing Beyond The Future
Issue 2: September 2006
G’day and welcome to the second issue of MainStay. In this issue Samantha shares with us the life of a single mother, the pregnancy and early toddler years coupled with all the usual difficulties a single parent has. Add to this relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis and you are up for some challenging times. Samantha’s story is a fairy tail story that not everyone with MS enjoys. However, its a positive story that eventuated through her condition and from making the best of her circumstances.
Warm regards
Mark Horton
A single mother’s journey with MS
Having Owen without the support of his father was a choice I made. At the time my health appeared ‘fine’, so I decided to embark on motherhood. Being diagnosed with MS a few years prior to giving birth to Owen, I was aware how precious and fragile life is. On reflection I’m not sure if I was naive or very fortunate.
I made it through pregnancy and gave birth without any hiccups. The following months after Owen was born were difficult and relying on the support of others was important. My health to the onlooker was fine and to some I was a picture of health, I had became the expert in cloaking my true reality, as fatigue was often an issue. Try explaining to a two year old that mummy was too tired to play. The invisibility of the symptoms became quite prominent and I had a fairly constant dilemma of who to divulge the MS to and who not to be frank with.
In the earlier days, I was fortunate to experience reasonably good health which meant a healthy level of independence. This independence was experienced whilst being fully aware that MS could trip me up at any time. This meant that I needed to plan ‘time out’ for me. I also needed to be aware of and communicate with possible support networks that I could access if required as well as having friends (and not necessarily family) to nurture and share the good times with.
I have been fortunate to date with only the one relapse that has resulted in being hospitalised. My legs had refused to work and getting around was impossible. Dealing with this relapse and the worry
of taking care of Owen who was now three years old was an enormous concern for me. In this moment of need mum came to my aid and did the hard yards, thank you mum.
The reality of MS has dictated my choice to not have any further children. A little brother or sister for Owen would have been wonderful, however I’ve been blessed with a very healthy young boy who brings me more pleasure than words can describe.
MS does have its blessings – my husband and I only met through an MS publication, and now share a silent understanding of the importance of each day, beyond our health restraints. The three of us relocated from Sydney to the Blue Mountains of New South Wales and each of us live active lives within our community.
I follow these few simple hints everyday.
- Accept the things you can change and the wisdom to know the things you cannot and put your energy into the things you can do.
- Seek out support networks while in good health and have a plan ready to engage if the need arises.
- Set aside time to deal with the disappointment and then put it to one side and get on with life to the best of your ability.
- Have realistic goals for your life and continue to work for as long as you possibly can or want to.
- Find professional support for the elements of your life that are becoming difficult.
- Make contact with your local MS Society when you feel the time is right. When the time is right you will know. They have endless levels of support and services for most of your likely challenges.
- Make the best of every day, share the journey of life and refuse to let MS own you.
By Samantha Permezel
If you have a story you would like to share please email: mainstay@markhorton.com.au
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